poem by RR resident, age 16; photo of RR residents at pro bono photo shoot at Red Rocks
*trigger warning - suicide
I am a person of survival
But growing up that was not really my title
A dead soul who was screaming for revival
A young girl who became suicidal
I felt the hits and kicks of society
Probably the reason I suffer from anxiety
I was never in the form of perfection
So I became the best example of neglection
They’d call me names from fat bitch to white trash
To other things I won’t say they’re that bad
They’d call me up and would always need back up
Call me a slut and say my family was jacked up
Death threats every time I logged in
Always on some other shit, damn here we go again
I was already alone now I’m looking for a friend
Got no friends so here I am wishing it would end
And it didn’t, it never did, was always something
Every time I felt good
They’d remind me I was nothing
Every time I was down they couldn’t help themselves to kick me
Tore me a fucking part
Took all the fight I had left in me
I had enough I was so fuckin done
I couldn’t face all the drama so I decided to run
But you can’t run forever
Eventually you’ll get tired
So I decided on the rope
Wishing my life would expire
I mean fuck it
If I am really nothing then nobody would stop me
From taking that rope and jumping
So I took it, tied it around my little throat
And proceeded to jump when my mom bust in the door
I didn’t know what to do
I didn’t know what to say
I saw the tears in her eyes
I felt the pain go away
How could I be so selfish
How could I think that I’m nothing
When the person who gave me life
Obviously thought I was something
Now I pray,
Pray for the people who never saw the light
Pray for the people who still cry at night
And those people, think of my words as protection
Think of them as the light when you fight depression
Because I know what it’s like
I’ve been there before
But for every closed room
I’m here to open a door
I just wanna open a door
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